It Takes A Village, Savannah’s Story.
“If there's one moment I look back on from early motherhood that best illustrates what I was going through, it would be when my son was four days old. I found myself sitting in the back of the car after our first appointment at Primary Children's Hospital to fully diagnose and come up with a plan for his cleft lip and palate.
Throughout the entire appointment I was sore, tired, confused, and being bombarded with information from six different doctors for hours. My tiny, fresh little baby was poked and prodded in front of my eyes. I had only four days with his beautiful, perfect face before we had to start taping it and preparing it for surgery when he'd turn 3 months old. I left the appointment with an avalanche of emotions swallowing me.
On the way home we pulled over to get some food and so I could try to feed the baby — who had to be fed exclusively with a special bottle and pumped milk from day one — while my partner went to get food. As soon as I was alone, I burst into tears and sobbed, while rocking my son and apologizing over and over for the last few hours, and for the long road ahead.
Never have I felt such crushing guilt. Never had I felt more unprepared, despite the months of research and pep talks I had done. Never had I known how someone could be filled with such love and heartbreak at the same time.
Like many mothers, I question my abilities as a parent and caregiver regularly. But nothing compares to that early experience that was so filled with despair, doubt and fear.”
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“I am a ferociously independent person. This has always been a source of pride for myself, but the journey of motherhood has been humbling, to say the least. If there are times I feel confident enough to say I am a "good" mom, it's only because of the support from those around me who allow me to have the space and time to parent the way I want.
I think often of my own childhood and growing up without any family nearby and how difficult that must have been for my mother, whom I now rely on for so much support.
I've learned that there is no shame in needing other people. Struggle is not something to necessarily be proud of. Asking for help, leaning on others is not weakness.
Further, support comes in many forms. It's the husband bringing you a fresh change of clothes and your favorite fast food breakfast after a long night in the hospital after your son's surgery. It's the neighbors and friends bringing meals, doing grocery runs and taking care of your yard during the long recovery. It's the mom holding you while you weep and lay on the floor. It's the company that gives you all the time off you need to ensure your family is taken care of. It's the babysitting, the supportive messages, the tangible and intangible love that is shared.
Nobody can do it all alone. While some take that phrase as evidence of how hard motherhood can be, my attitude has changed to see it as something beautiful: We are not meant to thrive in isolation.”
