Safe Haven, Allison’s Story of Foster Care and Adoption
I am honored and excited to introduce you to Allison today! She truly embodies what it means to have an open door and an open heart. Although her life did not turn out the way she expected, she has chosen to create a life that is full of beauty and meaning.
Allison is a safe haven for many through fostering and adoption, especially for her two beautiful girls. I loved our conversation about the photo collages on her wall of the people she holds dear, including her girl’s birth mothers. She is full of empathy and holds zero judgement towards others.
I sensed that life as a single mom can be a bit chaotic, juggling all the things — but Allison does it with humility and poise, and prioritizes the things that matter most to provide for her family.
There are so many beautiful words of wisdom in her writing that struck me, and I know will resonate with many!
Allison’s Reflections:
We Need Each Other, Portraits of Motherhood, 2023
Growing up I had a strong desire to be a wife and mother. As I aged, finding a life partner did not happen for me.
I grieved the loss of the life I thought I would have.
One of the hardest parts was the idea that I would have to miss out on the blessing of raising a family, but I discovered that life had other plans for me. I was given impressions multiple times that I should consider adoption, but whenever I looked into adoption I knew that financially I would not be able to afford it.
When speaking with a good friend about adoption, she asked me if I had ever considered foster care. The idea scared me a little, yet a peace enveloped my heart and I knew I needed to look into it. Research led to desire, and within a short three months I became a licensed foster parent for my state.
Unconditional Love & Grace, Portraits of Motherhood, 2023
(The heart represents unconditional love, the lavender represents grace, and the number (3) represent each one of us in our family. It is a reminder that no matter what happens we will love and be there for each other.)
Waiting for that first placement call was terrifying and exciting and a million other emotions all wrapped up together.
I imagine my thoughts are similar to most parents, wondering if I would be able to be everything this child would need, yet in some ways it was different because in my trainings I had learned that many foster children come with challenges and additional trauma from hard experiences in their lives.
Even preparations were hard because I had no idea what child would be coming to my home, what age, or what their life experiences would have entailed. I just had to be patient and wait.
The one thing I did know and tried to remember was that I had a lot of life left to live, and a desire to be a safe haven for whatever child was waiting to come into my home and heart.
Safe Haven, Portraits of Motherhood, 2023
The thing is, becoming a mother is a life altering experience. The person you were before, is immediately gone, at least for me it was.
Everything in my life now became centered on this little person. The things that took up all my time before becoming a mother became less important.
When I left work at the end of the day, I had no other thing on my mind than being with my child. Others had to remind me to take time for myself and my needs. That just because I now had this beautiful daughter, it didn’t mean that the individual named Allison didn’t still have her own needs.
They Became Sisters, Portraits of Motherhood, 2023
I eventually realized that self-care was not just a gift for myself but a gift for my daughters too.
It was easy to make excuses as to why I didn’t have time to do things for me. As a single mother, I couldn’t just leave them, and with the individual challenges they each face, there have only been a small handful of people I feel are able to watch them when I am not present.
I have learned to plan out in advance things that mean a lot to me, from workshops and conferences or nights out with my friends. I miss my daughters when I am gone, but I always love that time when we come back together and I can tell them the fun things I was learning or doing.
I Formed My Family, Portraits of Motherhood, 2023
My daughters have taught me the importance of not taking life too seriously. To take time out to play and enjoy life. Our family tries to go on walks, and to the playground to run around multiple times a week. If I watch television, I would rather it be with them, and so I find a lot of joy in cartoons and animated movies.
Dirt can be washed and there is a reason that stain sticks and soap exist. I let them be kids instead of worrying about them getting dirty too much. They teach me about the value of imagination and dreaming.
