Hope and love and longing, Ashley’s Story.
“A rollercoaster came about as I entered the world of infertility. It has opened my heart wide with empathy and perspective. It has brought me to my lowest lows and darkest of nights. It has also brought me my closest friends and most tender moments.
After many failed treatments, I was doing one final IUI before doing IVF. I was waiting in the car to pick up my husband from work and the call from the nurse came that the treatment had failed. I let the tears flow and was so heartbroken. I felt broken on so many levels and started to wonder if I was meant to be a mom. With no paper in my purse, I grabbed a napkin in the glovebox and started writing my thoughts on it—the innermost desires of my heart hoping it would be therapeutic.
My husband finished work and came into the car and sat in the discouragement with me. I tossed the napkin and carried on through the next year of IVF , full of setbacks and opportunities, medical emergencies and shots, laughter and peace. Months later we found out we were pregnant with our frozen embryo and were overjoyed.
One night, months into our pregnancy, right before we were due, my husband told me to come into our soon to be baby room. The same baby changing table that had held the shots and medications now was holding diapers in preparation to be used within a few days. On top of that changing table was a little white baby onsie, custom made with the exact words I had written on that napkin over a year ago. My husband had found that napkin in the car and kept it.
We were able to dress our baby girl in that baby onesie written with
hope and love and longing
for all that was to come, and gratitude for what was right then. It's definitely been the sweetest gift I've received in motherhood. A full circle moment and a heart full of gratitude. I don't think I’ve had the amount of grateful happy tears I cried that first week of being a mom.
An endless amount of tears and love.”
“I thought motherhood would look so much smoother than it actually does. A new me was born the moment I became a mother. Motherhood transformed me in new ways I believe only motherhood can. It has tested my patience on every level and unmasked weaknesses in myself I think I'll forever work on. Motherhood holds my hardest and most rewarding days. It's uncontainable joy and love. Motherhood is daring to trust God and walking hand in hand with Him everyday.” — Ashley
