Motherhood: A Self-Portrait, My Story
As a recovered anorexic, I used to look at photos of myself and only see the flaws. I’d scrutinize every photo believing that I wasn’t skinny enough, that my hair looked too thin, and ultimately, that I wasn’t beautiful. So I’d hide. I’d find reasons to not get in the photo, and when I did get in, I was always disappointed. All these thoughts and feelings were exhausting…
Over the last few years I’ve forced myself to get in the photo. At first, this felt very uncomfortable, and there were often photos I didn’t like. But I kept allowing myself to be photographed, time after time, until it felt easier. It not only got easier, but I found myself seeing something different than I had before. I began to look past the physical to the person deep inside, experiencing life with all it’s unexpected twists and turns.
Now, when I look at photos of myself and my motherhood—I feel awe and wonder as I think about how much I’ve grown as a woman. When I look at photos of the newborn days with my kids, I think, “Wow. I was exhausted, in pain, and the baby needed me so much, but I did it. I am so much stronger than I believed.”
Where I used to see flaws, I now see strength. I see the courage, the sacrifice, the love, and determination it takes to be a mother. I have found so much strength and grace through having my own motherhood journey photographed, and believe the same will be true for you. That’s why I’m so excited to share this project with you.
“Motherhood: A Self-Portrait” explores an act of vulnerability—getting in front of the camera, but also what it means to be both connected (intertwined, held, etc.) and free (independent, confident, ambitious) in motherhood. I hope to visually and conceptually capture my experience with motherhood through the photographs. For example, feeling invisible in motherhood, longing for myself within motherhood, and the intimate love and connection that is motherhood. It’s sometimes so intimate and intertwined, that you don’t know where they end and you begin. The process of putting this together has been so healing and helped me to acknowledge my experience, and express my feelings through photographs instead of burying them deep inside.
I’d love for you to join me as I further explore some of these concepts, and others, over the next few months. Something I’m ideating right now is the concept of a mother’s mundane — through environmental self-portraits. I’m currently doing some test shots on my iPhone and will then move on to photographing them on 35mm film. If you’d like to follow along as this project evolves, follow this hashtag on Instagram: #motherhoodaselfportrait or you can subscribe to my newsletter for updates!
I’m currently booking Motherhood Sessions for Mother’s Day and would absolutely love to photograph YOUR unique motherhood. If these photos resonate with you and this sounds fun + exciting, you can get all the details here!
